Why I don't want to get married
I just want to fly.
Hi, my birth name is A’nyezah street name Corey, whichever one you prefer, I don’t mind. I’m 27 years old, childless and unmarried. In this essay I won’t chew your ear off about childless, unmarried women and their obsession with freedom of choice and travel. I went for a beautiful brisk walk this morning and attended church with my grandparents who raised me. They shared with the church they been married for 40 years and together have seven children. Everyone stood up to show respect and congratulate them on the 40 years. My heart sunk deep into my ribs, I started to sweat, 40 years… damn, would I ever meet a man that’s willing to give me 40 years lmfao?
I won’t lie to you guys, I never do, I’m not afraid of commitment nor am I afraid of men. Instead of letting indoctrinated institutions lead the way, I took it upon myself to create my own foundation on what love means to me. I’m not expecting anyone to understand the foundation, I’m the foundation. I don’t need feedback or sympathy, there’s enough water in my body for tears I can cry on my own. Love starts with yourself first and everyone should be second to the relationship you have with yourself.
“A’nyezah you’re selfish”
“A’nyezah you have to grow up.”
“A’nyezah take a leap of faith.”
There’s no extra room in tunnel vision. Down the path to true love, I live in this body alone and right now it doesn’t need a host. Every time I think I know what love is, God humbles me and remind me I’m just getting started. I experienced one heart break in high school like normal people do, I never cried about it. I felt more disappointed than my heart “breaking”. Nonetheless, I loved that man deeply but looking back it wasn’t deep enough. How could my little 16-year-old heart know how to love when I just started to get an idea about life? How could my little 16-year-old heart know how to love when my boobs were still growing? I won’t diminish my first relationship, downplay it like it wasn't anything, it was something, but I don’t believe it was revolutionary.
Deep in my life storms I always mentally prepare my coffin, ready to surrender to any minor inconveniences. Dramatic! I know, bear with me lol. I’m looking forward to getting older, for me to tell someone “I love you” I need to live my life independently first, without any advice or consideration, pure, raw and unfiltered. Marriage sounds like a prison, government in my labor of love, financial business, coochie business, I mean can we agree that true love has a great deal of privacy? I’ve been in relationships that no one was privy to, and I got to immerse myself into the rhythm of their heart beat without concern or judgment from others. So, I guess it’s safe to say that true love requires privacy.
Privacy - The state or condition of being free from being observed or disturbed by other people.
Let’s circle back to why I said Marriage feels like a prison… I left the indoctrinated world decades ago; I never wanted or needed a man to marry me to feel that he respects and honors me. As an artist, I believe you can show someone you love and care about them through different mediums, marriage doesn’t have to be the dominator. When are we going to take marriage off the pedestal? There’s enough evidence supporting marriage isn’t the answer to revolutionary love. Married couples are committing adultery, murder and deceit all under constitutional “love”. The moment someone says they don’t want to get married everyone looks at them like they have three heads. Misery loves company, people would rather see you suffer instead of flourish and live a joyous life. There’s a lot of men who hate to go home to their wives because they married the wrong woman. There’s a lot of women who are tired of feeling like a slave because they married the wrong man. A wedding is only one day out of the many years people vow to be with each other. Unfortunately, newlyweds invest more time and energy into their wedding day than their actual relationship.
I love the freedom I have being unmarried and childless. Being able to come and go as I want without explaining myself to anyone. Keeping all my loyalty, devotion, and strength to myself. I walk into my house without wearing a disguise and that means a great deal to me. The battle of choosing not to be married is not MINE, this “phenomenon” is bigger than me, love is magic, and magic is love, transcending on earth. I respect the foundation of love so much; I’m allowing love to be a teacher rather a pet. I don’t want to control love or nourish it because I must, I want it to find me when I’m ready, when I have room, like a stray cat. We are living in a society that constantly pressures and forces people to become this or that, yet no one ever pushes people to be themselves. Read that again.
I exist independently, whatever man I decide to let into my world will not be out of desperation, fear and survival. I’m choosing him because I want to, I’m curious, eager to learn someone brand new, ready to embark on life’s journey with someone by my side. I will assure to him there’s always a door to leave if the relationship isn’t up to par, he’s allowed to change his mind about anything, and it’s okay if I end up being someone along the way and not a permanent residency in his life. I’m not here to withhold or block anyone from experiencing their destiny.
People often ask me what kind of man I would crown to be my husband and protector, good question. I don’t know what he looks like, but I know how I want him to make me feel. Oftentimes, men don’t give themselves time to unshackle from societal theories on what a “real man” is. A real man to me is independent and responsible, no need for an entourage because his company is more than enough. A man who isn’t afraid to go against “what is a real man?” in a way I think I may be subconsciously asking for a male version of myself lmfao. All jokes aside, the closest answer I can summon on what a real man is… would be a man who spends a great deal in nature. Nature leaves a great impression on men and their mental health.
I would like to experience a love that eats me whole, move in silence, and that’s open to change. A love that’s adaptable and cage free. Right now, I’m a beautiful bird flying, soaring high in my delusions and it’s cozy here :)
I love how self assured you are. I’m 22, never been in a relationship before and I’m really insecure about it. People have told me that marriage is one the most important and aspirational things in life, yet a look around and so many marriages are miserable. I hope I’m able to detach from that narrative and be free. Love comes and goes. Thank you for sharing!
I am happy that a lot of younger women are catching on to the deceptive methods used by the patriarchy to indoctrinate women into centering their lives around marriage. One particular method is convincing women that they diminish with age. (ie. the clock is ticking ) The patriarchy conditions women to view their lives through a lens of lack. Meanwhile, men have all the time in the world.