The Sexual Tension Between Me and Office Supplies
I know… I KNOW! I’m back at it again with my randomness. Today at work I walk into my office and noticed my manger ordered office supplies. I had a mini heart attack because I thought she forgot to order my black sharpies, fine point to be exact, let’s not play lol. I ignored the colorful sticky notes, paper clips and high lighters, rushed over to be the first to open the 12 pack of sharpies, I open each one and smelled them… so f*cking good. By time I reorganized my desk, I notice out of the blue I was aroused, like a cat in heat. I’m at work so I’m downplaying the entire sick event lmao, in the back of my mind… I was like wait, hold on, did I just get turned on by a pack of sharpies? Is this worse than having cobb webs on my cooch?
I’m a natural investigator, I picked up my mint green Prada bag and noticed how much office supplies I carry on a regular basis. Woah! I have a problem, if a toddler wanted to color or draw, I have everything they need in this damn bag lol. I never noticed it until the sharpies turned me on. I dumped everything on my desk, different color and brands of pens, high lighters, green sticky notes, old grocery list’s, scribble thoughts on wrinkled torn paper… just a beautiful mess. Gum, floss, tampons, toothpaste and toothbrush, yes, you never know when you need to freshen up, prepare your mouth for a sealed romantic kiss or a placeholder for dick.
Oddly enough, weird things turn me on, such as: the fine point of a pen dripping with a heavy bleed on paper (I hate pens that don’t leak) if a pen leaks ink baby it’s telling you it’s ready to be used, or do I have a sick twisted mind? lmfao, yellow legal notepad (one of the softest paper to write on) and it doesn’t stink, yes some paper actually stinks! The legal yellow notepad makes me feel like a sexy lawyer from Kentucky, you know, the lawyer that everyone only hears by word of mouth and can’t afford! Something of the sort, close enough. I love sticky notes, preferably the green and yellow ones, blue ones make my eyes sore, and the pink is childish. I never understood the smaller sticky notes, what could someone possibly write on there?
Not a big fan of white-out, people who use it think they’re so different, performative office display at it’s best. Normal people who were treated like shit in their childhood normally just scribble the word/sentence out with a pen or toss the paper in the silver trash can and start over. I come from poverty baby, starting over comes natural to me! I enjoy the universal jaw staple remover, sharp pointed teeth, make me wonder how this would feel on my nipples?
I’m the person that would tell you “I have my own pen” the thought of using any pen when I’m out and about is weird to me, feels like I’m going against myself, cheating on my other pens that are waiting for me at home. As a writer, you will find office supplies that will speak to your pussy and you should let it, the more comfortable you are the better you will feel while writing. I have a desk in my room that I don’t sit at, it’s honestly a place holder for my books and junk. I write and read in my bed, the best place to unwind after a long capitalistic day. There’s an olive green pencil sharpener that I use to keep my number 2 pencils sharp like Mr. Grey in that Secretary movie, I don’t use them often but I like how serious it makes my desk look lol. Clipboards are another good item to have especially ones with compartments. I’m attracted to things that are functional/practical you know? Something that has a purpose lmfao. Office items that make me go mmhmmm…. I could use this during sex ahahahaha!
This post is for people who squeal with glee when the Office Depot catalog drops.
I am those people.
Is this a safe space? , I’m turned on by checklist and spreadsheets (pun intended). I found my people ☺️