Venus in Sagittarius

It's best to keep love light and open.

I lost my virginity at 18 years old to my first lover. once he removed his flesh from my flesh, in that moment I knew my love life would be full of cats and exotic vacations. My first lover was any girl’s dream guy: tall, handsome, with facial hair, ambitious, with good hygiene, etc. Why wasn’t he enough for me? Why didn’t I settle down and become a wife and mother with a man who respected and cared about me? These were the questions I asked myself for the 3 years we dated. Every time he looked me in the eyes, a tight knot played hide and seek in my throat. I feared he knew at some point we would fade. The memories we shared, gifts that were exchanged, and holidays that were spent together weren’t enough. Periodically, he would ask, “Corey, are you happy?” and I would smile and say, “Yes, if I wasn’t happy, you would know.” Truth is, I lied. I wanted to tell him how I felt, but what was happening inside my heart wasn’t any man’s business. At the ripe age of 18, I had a feeling something inside me needed to be explored. I didn’t possess the knowledge to decipher what those emotions were. At 18, I knew what my “woman intuition” was, but I didn’t know how to use it, like most young adults who lead with emotion over logic. Every time I looked at him, something told me to leave, and I stayed again and again. After every argument, I walked back into his arms, convincing myself, “This too shall pass.”

At 28 years old, I still reference that romantic relationship, and I know someone will read this and say, “Girl, move on, you were kids.” And yeah, that’s true; we were kids. However, it’s not about him and it’s not about us being teenagers. It’s about how quickly women will swallow their gut feeling out of fear and survival, how quickly women are to dismiss their initial gut feeling even when the man they love provides security and comfort. If I continued to swallow who my spirit was dying to be, I would’ve probably been bitter and resentful. I would have been a mother of two totally incapable of having patience for growing toddlers that are new to Earth and would’ve sent my family down a spiraling ladder of emotional neglect and abuse all because I ignored the calls of my spirit. The biggest gift I got from that relationship was my intuition and how to honor it. So back to what I said, it didn’t matter that we were teenagers in love with nothing else to do, it didn’t matter that he respected and loved me. None of that mattered to my spirit, and when I didn’t honor my spirit, which is connected to my body, the orgasms weakened, the passion shriveled up, the lust and desire that I initially had for this man evaporated until one day I couldn’t fake it anymore.

Years ago, astrology peaked my interest, and a friend of mine always told me to look into my moon and Venus sign. I assumed it was gibberish, but boy am I glad I stopped being stubborn and decided to investigate my birth chart. Of course, everything has to be taken with a grain of salt; nothing is ever 100% for certain. I was born on December 23rd, which makes me a horny goat Capricorn. My mother had me at night, so my moon is in Gemini with Virgo rising. Whatever her and my father did while making me or whatever stars aligned, I ended up with Venus in Sagittarius.

Sagittarius is the sign of the adventurer, and that would explain why I don’t fancy routines and traditions. I’m drawn to exotic people, places, and things. I enjoy expanding my boundaries, and I love it even more when someone “crosses” my boundaries just for the thrill of it. I’m addicted to growth; sitting still and allowing life to pass by isn’t me at all. If you’ve been subscribed to me for a while, you know I have moved here to there, dated this guy and that one over there, and randomly quit jobs due to lack of stimulation. I am never truly still with anything that I do, and I believe this is the natural order for me. My spirit doesn’t want to follow the natural way of the world; my spirit is the world and I am existing as the student inside of it.

I never knew or cared why men were drawn to me, outside of my beauty; nothing else really came up. Then it dawned on me that I am full of life, everything I want - I want it now. I have a deep, honest, lustful relationship with life, and I’m fearless. This explained why traditional men would seek me out vs going for the tried-and-true kind of woman. I’m unpredictable, and that’s okay, but it’s not okay with the men I dated; they can’t figure me out, and I’ve lost my voice explaining to men I am not made to be figured out. A man has to come into my life, sit down, roll his sleeves up, and relax. Watch me unfold, nurture my independence, come with me to soak up the beauty of the world. I’m aware that I can be overwhelming and overindulgent in life’s precious pleasures, but we will die one day, and I need the medical examiner to cut me open and say, “Mhm, this girl lived her life! I know that’s right, sister!” I need the medical examiner to be impressed and inspired when looking inside of me. Shit, I want to look down from heaven and inspire myself that in this body that I burrowed to experience Earth, I made everything count.

I have a tendency towards impulsivity. I’ve been in situations a cat couldn’t escape, and we all know how good cats are at escaping. I’ve gone down rabbit holes figuring out why none of my relationships ever mounted to anything, why I always sabotage on purpose to get the men to leave me for good. I always do or say something really embarrassing to turn the guy off on purpose. Deep down, I know I’m not the one for anyone. There is no “perfect man” for me anywhere at any moment because I am not looking for a man. My heart is drawn to experiences that lead down a path of uncertainty. Ladies, yeah, I’m gorgeous and all, but do you know how many men have blocked me and plucked me off their list? Men have left me, and that is okay. I’m not in competition to be kept. There is no concert line to my heart because my heart is for me, myself and I.

Story time:

The longest relationship I have been in was 3 years, and after that came 5 years. The man who rolled his sleeves and relaxed for me, sucked my toes on the first date, and told me I was his girlfriend. He didn’t ask, and I didn’t want him to ask me. I enjoy being told what to do (sometimes). Year after year, it amazed me that we were still HAPPILY together. I drove this man to the edge of the earth, tested every hormone in his body. Looking back, he should’ve left me, lmao. Poor baby, I’m so sorry if you read this. Anyway, back to what matters… my heart and freedom. He never questioned my personality, nor did he make me feel like an object. I honestly felt like the sun standing next to him. He always joked and said, “You may be 5’4, but your self-esteem and confidence is 9 feet.” That’s probably the best description a man has ever given me about myself. Yes, please think of me as a giant because I am. I’m not the average lover. I don’t ask or wait for anything. If I want a kiss, I steal it. If I want oral sex, I will sit on your face even if you are asleep… sorry. If I want to talk your ear off about characters in the current novel I’m reading, I will. I am a walking expression at this point. I tried to contain it, but eventually, someone will see me for who I really am, and boom! I’m guilty as charged. I honestly couldn’t tell you how many emotions I experienced in a day because, well… I never keep count. The upkeep of my love offering is a pretty penny and taxing to an average soul. I can’t be seen with just anybody.

Venus in Sagittarius is considered the “unfaithful position,” and it’s kind of true because I have cheated on my lovers with other lovers. I love them all, and I couldn’t pick one to be my lawful, abiding, serious boyfriend. My heart is large, and the capacity is never full due to me constantly creating new spaces in my body. I’m not into polyamory, and I’m aware it sounds like I am. As a woman with a large appetite for experiences and pleasures, I valued being desired and having men at my will. I enjoyed knowing multiple men loved me for me with no strings attached, and yes, I was unfair, and the rules were simple: it’s only me and will always be me. Which translates to “you’re not allowed to talk to anyone else,” and this never worked out well because men are possessive. I tried standing across a man in a room and telling him that I’m seeing someone else. I got “the look,” yeah, you guys know that look… the “come again? What did you say?” And I’m standing 5’4” 120 pounds against men twice my height and weight. There, here he comes with typical human questions, now I feel like I’m incarcerated.

The guy: “Am I not doing enough?”

Me: “I never said this was about you.”

The guy: “What are you saying?”

Me: “I’m going on a date with another guy.”

The guy: “You’re impossible to please.”

Me: “I’m not your girlfriend.”

The guy: “Do you have to say it that way?”

Me: “What way?”

The guy: “You say everything in a definite way.”

Me: “Is the conversation done now?”

*the guy walks out and slams the door*

now I’m blocked and plucked off his list of women he “may” marry one day.

As a woman who stands on her desires and pleasures, it feels enticing to have men at my will. They aren’t doing anything wrong, and they all would make great husbands and Bob the Builder if something breaks in the house. But again, my goal isn’t to find men and keep them. They find me, and my job is to allow them to visit my connoisseur of empathy. I have a strong palette for love and infatuation. I want to SEE more than engaging deeper. I want to SEE the love you say you have for me. I want to SEE how far you’ll allow me to go. I want to SEE you for you, not who the world is demanding you to be. I want to SEE why you don’t want anyone else. I am a woman changing with the times. I’m not asking you to surrender or kneel for me. I’m demanding you to stand up, get rid of the sameness. I’m simply inviting you to walk with me wherever that may be for however long.

loving a woman like me means you will never remain the same. my love is so large that its generosity is unavoidable to witness.

the world has beaten the realm of reality deep into everyone subconscious mind that they stop making room for desires, fantasies, pleasures and thrills. people are experiencing reality fatigue, too much realism, a competition of the hearts. the person who’s least interested has the most control in the relationship they say but you compete with strangers never those that reserve a level of passion, pain and pleasure for you. if we are truly alive why has everyone become dead?

in case you forgot…

“The Romantic Era, spanning roughly from the late 18th to the mid-19th century, was a period of artistic, literary, and intellectual change that prioritized emotion, imagination, and the individual over reason and the classical forms of the Enlightenment. It emphasized the power of nature, the supernatural, and the past, challenging societal norms and emphasizing personal expression.”