Banana’s Baptism

The church my grandparents been going to for 20+ years & they spelled my name wrong which is okay I’m use to it by now lol. It’s A’nyezah not A’nyzeah.

Before my Substack cousins throw tomatoes at me, let me explain lmfao. I know I discussed in past essays that I no longer identify or submit myself to religion. I declared myself as a human being who believes in spirituality. I’m the kind of person that takes what resonates and leaves the rest and that’s what I did with Christianity and many other religions. When you grow up in a religious household no matter how hard you try to distance yourself from your religious roots they will still tug at your existence. My grandmother is a woman who can easily throw a scripture at you without picking up the bible, she has a damn verse for just about anything lmao. I find myself saying a few verses just to be cunt mid convo with friends to have a good laugh!

 

The last time I was baptized I was a baby; I don’t remember but my grandparents who raised me do and have photos of me and my sister in little white church dresses standing next to each other. Since I detox myself via elimination of this and that, I knew at some point I would have to give thanks to God for protecting me all these years with everything I’ve been through. My grandparents taught me how to pray and I still pray every morning before I leave my house, it could be habit or me just liking how I feel after I say my prayer. When most of your life been dark you cling onto peace and tranquility a little tighter than the average person. Oh, have I been through some dark sh*t that I don’t care to share. I moved into my first apartment at age 24, I cried because I finally made myself an independent woman. I cried for the women in my family who wish they took my route and not the traditional way into having a home via children and boyfriends/husbands. The women in my family, who I respect dearly, shared that they wish they believed in themselves a little more when they were young, wishing they nourish their identities instead of men. People underestimate the power of solitude and the great wonders it can lead you to!

 

After everything I been through in my life, having my own personal safe space was vital and it happened at the right time. That’s why I’m a huge advocate for women maintaining their autonomy, I have witnessed far too many women put their trust and livelihood in their partners hands all to be abused or killed. My observations have made me afraid to live with anyone, no matter the gender. I have my own relationship with God, and I don’t feel the need to prove it to anyone by going to church or bible study. I don’t trust religious environments, or the pastors and I can’t let that stop me from believing in blessings and miracles. Yes, I decided to get baptized, not for the illusion or church clout but for everything I survived a few years back. When I say God, I don’t mean a white man with a white skims bathrobe on with blue eyes. By God I mean this voice inside my head that came from somewhere and constantly redirected me or gave me confidence to protect myself. Whichever one, it worked and I’m deeply grateful because there were situations where the average person would have been defeated or hurt.

This isn’t a call to action for me to persuade people back into the church. I would like people to know that they can have their own relationship with God, and nobody needs to know. If you’re an atheist I respect that as well, I don’t push religion onto people everyone is entitled to believe in what they want.  I honestly don’t think God cares if you’re an advocate or not, Mother Nature symphonies will go on with or without you.

If all of this is fake, and atheist were right then at least I can say I tried to redeem myself and invested my energy into changing myself for the lifestyle I wasn’t born into but deeply deserve. Every day we wake up and can create the life we choose. In divine timing the future will speak.

My advice nobody ask for: Do not hold back. Do not hide your talents, embody all your complexities because experiencing our feelings has direct healing power. Yes, the rumor is true, if you’re not a monster it’s pretty hard to stay alive. When everything has been orchestrated to either work against or destroy you, thicken your skin and buckle up, this life sh*t is not a joke. I have a great amount of respect for those who refuse to give up without a fight.

I hope you guys are enjoying Banana Delivery.

Heaven has no favorites, sleep well. 💋